Coral Gables Mayor Vince Lago tries, fails to censure nemesis Melissa Castro

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Long, chaotic commission meeting features bickering

There are city commission meetings, and then there are Coral Gables city commission meetings under Mayor Vince Lago, which increasingly resemble a telenovela written by someone who hates everyone in the cast.

Tuesday’s meeting was long. It was contentious. It was rude. It was chaotic. It was — depending on your taste — either a disgrace to municipal governance or the best free theater in Miami-Dade. Complete with two back-to-back hourlong intermissions (which have curiously been omitted from the video recording)..

For almost eight hours, taking out the breaks, commissioners bickered, interrupted, talked over one another, ignored procedure, and wandered so far off agenda that even Google Maps would have given up. Personal jabs were thrown. Family members were invoked. Voices were raised. Eyes were rolled. At several points, it was unclear whether the dais was governing a city or settling a group chat beef.

And then came an interesting moment: Mayor Lago attempted to censure Commissioner Melissa Castro, who he has chosen as his political nemesis, basically because she is the only person on the dais who consistently tells him no, which he hates to hear. Castro has been censured before, last summer, after she dared to ask the state attorney for an opinion on moving the elections without going to a vote, like Miami did (and it was undone in court).

Read related: Coral Gables Commissioner Melissa Castro censured — for asking a question

This time, Lago said the commissioner had gone too far by invoking his family. “I have no idea why you keep harassing me every single day,” Castro told him, after one of his signature attacks on her. “Go worry about your family.”

This was too far? This was too far for a man who was censured himself in 2023 for his own repeated disparaging statements — or TV interview and radio — including saying that Ariel Fernandez‘s wife was the man of the house. In the same meeting, earlier Tuesday, Lago had brought up Castro’s deceased mother and sister in an attempt to sully her reputation and infer conflicts of interest with her family’s business, which is probably why she said “worry about your family.” There’s context. And he tried to censure her for that?

More likely L’Ego was ticked off about the inferences made when Castro proposed her anti-kickback legislation, showing, as potential examples, contributions to the mayor’s political action committee by developers after a vote was taken (more on that later). But that wouldn’t have sounded as righteous on the dais, right?

“In politics and in service, keep your family out of it,” Lago said. “Do I have a second?”

Crickets. Even his psychophants saw the hypocrisy. The mayor practically begged Commissioner Fernandez, who he has softened on (but just wait), to back him up. “You want to show leadership? Second the motion,” Lago said.

But no. The censure died on arrival.

“So everybody’s family is available,” Lago asked, seemingly incredulous that he didn’t get any backup. “When you’re talking about someone’s family there’s no discussion.” He added that the rest of the commission was “in denial”ab0ut “what’s being done here.

It was surreal. Remember, this is the same guy who said, “Real men do not let their wives work,” in an interview. It bears repeating. Does he not remember? Or is he just the best gas lighter we’ve ever seen?

And shouldn’t Lago be the one who is censured, again, for his holiday email last month that used a parody of Santa Baby — yes, that song — retooled to mock Commissioner Castro, complete with snarky lyrics, insinuations about corruption, and AI-generated misogynistic cartoon images that many recipients described as sexualized, juvenile, and wildly inappropriate for a city that still clutches its pearls over parking decals? One resident called it “soft porn” to send a message that portrays the sitting commissioner — and single mother — in tight, suggestive outfits, with exaggerated curves, innuendo-laced lyrics, and winking references that lean less “political satire” and more middle-school locker room humor.

If that doesn’t warrant a censure, nothing does.

Read related: Vince Lago’s not-so-silent night: A mean Christmas Carol for Melissa Castro

Commissioner Richard Lara, who is usually an echo chamber, said he was “not in favor of resorting to censure” because Castro had stepped out of the room and could not address it. But he did not find the comment appropriate, he said, and offered her a chance to take it back.

She didn’t. First because it wasn’t said in a derogatory way. “I’m just asking you to stop harassing me. Worry about your own things.” And secondly because he had just brought up her dead mother. Only Castro didn’t get to the second part because Lago abruptly cut her off and called a recess. “Unacceptable. We’re taking a one our break.”

Apparently overcome with the weight of democracy not bending to his will — or, more likely, the weight of the knowledge that he does not have the control of the dais he thought he had — called for a one-hour recess. One assumes to meditate, scream into a towel, or pace the hallway rehearsing new ways to pronounce “disrespectful.” Maybe a walk. Maybe a bathroom mirror pep talk. We can’t say. But we do know the city of Coral Gables took a full sixty-minute timeout because its mayor did not get the vote he wanted.

When everyone returned — calmer, if not wiser — Cora Gables Deputy City Attorney Stephanie Throckmorton had to do what no lawyer expects to do mid-meeting: explain, slowly and carefully, the basic rules of how a meeting works. She reminded the dais that the mayor is the chair. That comments go through the chair. That there is an order of business. That Robert’s Rules of Order are not, in fact, a decorative suggestion.

It may have sounded like a gentle, professional version of, “Please stop acting like this is Thanksgiving dinner.” But it also sounded like it was at the direction of the mayor.

The reminder did not last much more than 10 minutes before Mayor Lago — not pleased with his colleagues ability to follow directions — called another one-hour recess. Because if at first you don’t get your way, apparently the solution is to adjourn reality for sixty minutes and try again later.

Read related: Coral Gables Mayor Vince Lago, allies bully and browbeat Melissa Castro

Eventually, because of the delays, the commission voted to push the unfinished agenda to the January 27 meeting — ensuring that this saga will, mercifully or cruelly, continue in a future episode.

So what did Coral Gables residents get from their government Tuesday?

Two hour-long recesses. One failed censure attempt. One impromptu civics lesson. And a reminder that in the City Beautiful, the marble is polished, the landscaping is pristine, and the political knives are always sharp.

Oh, and the promise of another telenovela chapter in two weeks.

Will there be another attempt to censure Castro? Will Richard Lara find his own voice? Will Rhonda Anderson wake up from her emotional coma? Will the real Ariel Fernandez please stand up? And will Lago’s eyebrows ever reach his receding hairline?

Stay tuned. Because one thing is certain: More drama.

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  Melissa Castro, Vince Lago