The image could not be more poetically appropriate.
Here he was, the fabulous Mayor Francis Suarez of Miami, standing in front of TV cameras and the world, perfectly manicured eyebrows in place, fancy Bitcoin branded sneakers on like a rock star rapper, calling our city the capital of capital and the future of finance — while making strong man poses for a gazillion photos with a shiny, 11-foot, 3,000-pound metal bull.
Because that’s what everything he says is: Big, shiny bull.
The Miami Bitcoin Bull sculpture, made to look like a robotic version of Wall Street’s original, was unveiled last week to celebrate Miami Tech Month and the city’s new brand as Silicone Beach. But it may as well have been a campaign event for Suarez, who has basically abandoned Miami residents for his celebrity status, which helped him raise $6 million for a non-race last year.
Nevermind that the value of Miami Coin, which he said would fund city projects, has dropped like an iguana from a pine tree in January. That kind of truth just gets in the way of a good backstory.
Read related: Francis Suarez is the absent Mayor VIP of Miami — MIA at the worst time
Today, perhaps with helpful shape-shifting magic by former congressman Carlos Curbelo, there are two versions of Francis Suarez. There is the Forbes magazine version, the Baby X 2.0 crypto-promoting national darling who took his history-making COVID quarantine to the national spotlight and followed that up with a lucky, late-night tweet. He is a stud in the political world. Young, hungry and full of promise.
His new mission, apparently, is getting buddy Elon Musk to move here,
And then there’s the postalita absentee municipal mayor, part of a political dynasty, who has disappointed even his staunchest supporters and lots of abuelitos — las malas lenguas say Papi X is even unhappy — by selling out our public golf course and becoming uninterested in anything that is not tech-related. He has checked out of the rest of his job.
That’s why he was completely silent and missing on the redistricting process that saw hundreds of Coconut Grove residents come to City Hall over and over again to beg to be kept whole. That’s why he said nada while the former police chief he recruited was run out of town and Commissioner Alex Diaz de la Portilla raided the Omni Community Redevelopment Agency.
Suarez has sold out his constituents by shrugging his shoulders and letting the Three Amigos rule.
Can you blame him? Just a couple of years ago, Baby X was constantly getting bitch-slapped by Commissioner Joe Carollo, who brought up the conflict between his job as a crypto lawyer and his gig as the city’s crypto salesman and his 24-hour security detail at taxpayer expense. At one public meeting, he basically begged Carollo to show him some respect.
Read related: No veto for Miami’s new map as Mayor Francis Suarez bows out — again
Makes one miss Mayor Tomas Regalado. Despite the make-up he got used to from being on TV, Regalado was real. Some called him the pothole mayor because he was involved in so much minutia. People could reach him. Regalado was a regular at commission meetings, making his argument for his city. He actually cared about the people who he represented.
The people who Suarez represents know he’d rather be with someone else.
Don’t get Ladra wrong. It is great to see Miami leading in this space, finally getting the props we have deserved for so long. But Bitcoin didn’t make Miami. And, unfortunately, it seems this effort is creating two versions of Miami — one for those watching the hottest city in the U.S. from the outside and those of us cooking inside it.
Because those fabulous tourists celebrating tech in Miami this month are just that — tourists. They only know the first Suarez. If he convinces them to move here, they’ll feel his cold shoulder the same way.
Because they have no idea yet what it’s like to live here, to pay rent here, to drive here, or to take “public transit” here, or to vote here. They have no idea what it’s like to participate in the democratic process here. Ladra would bet that not one of these enlightened, modern tech tourists have been to a public meeting at the county or city to see how our electeds berate and betray the taxpaying public while Suarez sips on the trendiest sambuca with millennial millionaires.
Read related: Where’s Francis Suarez? Miami mayor mum on Police Chief Art Acevedo
It’s pure bull. Big bull. Bull on steroids. Shiny bull with glowing blue eyes.
Has everyone seen the Because Miami meme video with the bull sculpture actually dropping a cartoon turd? It would be funny if it weren’t such an accurate picture of our local government.
Miami Bull is exactly what absentee Mayor Francis Suarez has been selling added by Ladra on
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Who paid for Francis Suarez’s $25,000 ticket to the Heat game this week? A developer who wants a favor from Francis? Jorge Mas? A lobbyist who wanted a favor from Francis? A MiamiCoin bro?
Why are the taxpayers forced to pay Suarez’s pay and benefit package AND for his 24/7 chauffeurs and for his $1 Million per year security? The dude works for Jorge Mas? Jose Mas? Suarez is double dipping.
” Mayor Suarez is in a rush to kill parks and as many trees and lawns as he can.”
As everyone knows there isn’t any money for these self serving parasites in tree’s but there is in cement via developers .
I live in what real estate people call ” transient city ” , Doral due to the turn over of these assorted gated communities and due to so many people living here roaming brown outs are common about 5 months a year , traffic that is obscene after 4:30 pm .
I work at night so avoid the traffic but putting that aside you do not want this for the rest of Miami .
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” These rubes will jump on any bandwagon and sell out the city to any well groomed grifter.”
Lol yes .
Boy Mayor is having commissoners and his staff change the rules so the concrete baywalk will be considered “park land”. Just to help Mas steal Melreese Park.
What a scam.
Does anyone remember Miami as the new Insurance Center of the Americas? The World? No? Really? That was an 80’s grift promoted by the then Mayor.
Does anyone remember Miami as the Diamond capitol of America? The World? No? Really? that was another 80’s/90’s grift promoted by the then Mayor.
There were others.
These rubes will jump on any bandwagon and sell out the city to any well groomed grifter.
Miami is “the American city most at risk from Climate Change and sea level rise” and Boy Mayor Suarez is in a rush to kill parks and as many trees and lawns as he can. Suarez panders to billionaires as he ignores facts and residents.
Perhaps he’s trying big picture solutions, political gentrification on a district scale If you can’t educate or get rid of the small pockets of a-pastelitos-for-my-vote abuelas who keep Crazy Carollo et al in office perhaps he can dilute their impact by recruiting new residents with a political IQ larger than their shoe size who understand how our clown car commission really handicaps our city.
Suarez had an interview with Channel 10’s Michael Putney yesterday (10th) and it was even further bull. So damn disappointed in this guy, who was a steady hand when he was on the commission before mayor. He completely dodged the Natoma ‘dingleberry’ gerrymandering that Carollo pulled off to put his home in District 3. And Channel 10 dodged the issue too, not mentioning by name the home or the issue. Apparently, some in the media are afraid of Crazy Joe also. He won’t touch these guys–too much bad headlines and name-calling + Melreese is out there. Suarez was clearly pandering to Ken Russell yesterday talking about how they were going to remediate the Old Smokey contaminated soil at Melreese when they do the land giveaway for 99 years of private ownership and a hotel and soccer stadium. His answer to the Grove citizen revolt?–they were misinformed and there was a lot of ‘fake news–not his words, but his intent–false information out there’ about the redistricting. I can guarantee the Grovites speaking up were well informed and honest in their opinions. This is now unlike Suarez, who has moved to the dark side when it comes to doing the right thing.
You nailed it.
A turd. How appropriate.
Truth. Francis Suarez is only focused on his image AND screwing the residents and the taxpayers. Miami needs grass and trees. Hello…? Sea level rise… Climate change… Miami needs more grass and more green parks to absorb water from sea level rise. But Suarez wants to kill a 130 acre public park so a out of town based billionaire Mas can kill EVERY tree and every blade of grass! Suarez wants to kill Miami’s only golf course. A golf course which looks great to tourists landing at MIA.
”Miami Bull is exactly what absentee Mayor Francis Suarez has been selling”
Some say these Miami politicians are in fact providing a service because lots of people seem to want and need to be lied to thus Miami is an assembly line of self serving liars .
As someone said ” You can sell bull the first time you run but to be reelected after you are known for this simply reflects that bull is what most voters want.”
Some Commissioners if you look at their con artist history they have run for reelections over and over on the bogus platform of lowering property tax and accountability .
LOL , as someone who enjoys comedy that is one hell of a joke and as a rule you can’t use the same joke over and over but in Miami you can .
I did not see it but SNL ” news ” segment Sat mocked Miami Bitcoin .
Did anyone see it ?