Here's who's on the absentee ballots mailed to Coral Gables voters this week

Monday is the last day to register if you want to vote in the Coral Gables election April 13.

There were 35,962 registered voters in the City Beautiful at the beginning of March, according to the Miami-Dade Elections Department. That’s a little more than the 33,154 who were registered at the time of the last election in 2019, when a little more than 8,500 voters cast ballots, a 26% turnout.

Some interesting takes from the district demographics provided by the county: Hispanic voters outnumber non-Hispanics by almost 3,000 and Hispanic females are the largest single demographic with 9,576. As expected, the 66 plus demo is the largest number, with 8,786. But surprisingly, the second largest group is the 18-25 range, at 5,727.

And while it’s a non partisan election, there’s really no such thing anymore — just ask the candidates knocking on doors — and there are almost as many Democrats as there are Republicans, now. No party affiliation voters also grew by nearly 900 voters in the last two years.

As of March 9, there were 12,605 vote-by-mail or absentee ballot requests on file. Those ballots will be mailed out on Tuesday, said Deputy Elections Supervisor Suzy Trutie.

That’s why voters got two attack pieces in the mail over the weekend — one against Vice Mayor Vince Lago, who is running for mayor, and one against commission candidate Alex Bucelo. Both attacks were paid for by dark money political action committees that try to hide the source of funding.

Expect more attack pieces — and a few positive mailers — to come out all week long.

At least they’re more interesting than the candidates forum presented by the Coral Gables Chamber last week. Nobody stood out. But they’ll get another chance — perhaps their last chance to shine — on Thursday as the PTAs and PTSAs of the city’s schools get together with Gables Insider for a virtual forum. It starts at 7 p.m. and anyone can watch, but sign up in advance here.

These are the candidates, in a Ladra nutshell:

For mayor, there are two commissioners who are termed out and a perennial candidate who we love as an activist, but should not be elected and, thankfully, doesn’t stand a chance.

Vice Mayor Vince Lago is running on his track record as the busiest commissioner in municipal history. His open door policy and frequent town halls has earned him much trust. Plus he calls you back. Always. He is very accessible, environmentally conscious, cautious of development.

He doesn’t put up with employee bullshit and helped right the ship after the former city manager caused some havoc. He defends the residents from the abuse they sometimes get from administrators and other electeds.

Ladra can say already that he is her choice for transparency, accountability, accessibility and productivity. There’s nothing bad about him, except he’s friends with Miami Mayor Postalita Francis Suarez.

Commissioner Pat Keon was the biggest promoter of the upzoning for Miracle Mile. She was also the biggest defender of former City Manager Cathy Swanson-Rivenbark and her army of administrative bullies.

Keon has already used a dark money PAC to attack Lago with lies, making him seem like the developer’s candidate when that’s really her. She doesn’t answer the phone or call people back. She condescends people publicly. She doesn’t have the temperament to be a good mayor.

She doesn’t have a website. And 20 people have liked her Facebook page.

Jackson “Rip” Holmes was running for commission in the crowded Group 2 race but switched on the last day of qualifying to the mayoral race. He’s a lovable guy and there’s no problem with his honesty. At least he thinks he’s being honest. But he gets way out there on stuff and he rambles too much.

In one of his most recent YouTube videos — and maybe that is is real calling — he reports that his computer was hacked and his name will be misspelled on the ballot as Ripholmes. Ladra thinks he might get more votes.

Rip is delusional, and not only with thoughts that he could actually win this. He told Ladra via email that he was going to solicit campaign contributions for the first time ever.

The commission Group 2 race is a clusterbunch, but really only three — okay, maybe four — candidates are worth the time.

Jose Valdes-Fauli is the brother of the current and two-time mayor, the arrogant and detestable Raul Valdes-Fauli, who treats residents like they were trespassers on his ranch. He’s not as mean as his brother, but he is a little haughty still. It’s in the Valdes-Fauli DNA.

The younger, softer, gayer brother is a retired banker and arts advocate who, naturally, has the SAVE endorsement. People like that he’s retired and can dedicate a lot of time to the city.

Valdes-Fauli said at the Chamber that he invented Gallery Night, but Ladra is pretty sure that was gallery owner Virginia Miller’s baby.

Tania Cruz-Gimenez is an attorney, mother of two young girls and daughter-in-law of former mayor and newly-elected boneheaded Congressman Carlos Gimenez. The New Jersey transplant Democrat says she disagrees with a lot of el suegro’s Republican positions, but mother-in-law Lourdes Gimenez has been helping her on the campaign trail, knocking on doors and nodding in the audience at the Chamber forum. Husband CJ Gimenez, a lobbyist and partner in their consulting firm, has been at her side, or following in a car.

Campaigning is a family business.

She and CJ say he will not lobby in Coral Gables, but Ladra expects that to be one of the negative attacks against her anyway, after it came up in a mobile poll last week. The two dabble in political campaigns and voter outreach. She has worked for her father-in-law’s campaigns as well as Miami Commissioners Joe Carollo and Alex Diaz de la Portilla.

But she’s made amends by getting behind the recall against Carollo when she learned what a schmuck he is. Also, she and CJ helped turn the Georgia Senate seats blue. Maybe this run is part of her political spiritual cleansing.

Rhonda Anderson is an attorney and active member of the community for the past 16 years. She might have the charisma of a cardboard box, but she is not connected to any dynasty, electeds, lobbyists or nada. She is as grass roots as they come. Sure, she voted wrong on the planning and zoning board when she said yes to the zoning changes she later opposed.

She hasn’t raised as much money as the two dynasty names, but she had a really good month in February so maybe the momentum is mounting. She’s also the only chance that a non-Cuban will be on the commission — and, no, I’m not the one who thought of that. Yes, there’s talk about it. Ladra expects her to ride that prejudice into the runoff.

Claudia Miro is a distant number four, but she held her own at the Gables forum. She is a single mom and county employee who would add that perspective to the city commission. While Valdes-Fauli represents the silver spooners, Miro represents the working people. She hasn’t raised much money, however, and she has that awful connection to former Miami Commissioner Marc Sarnoff and the Women’s Republican Club Federated.

Mayra Joli, the crazy nodding lady from the Miami Trump town hall, is a long shot that Ladra thinks was planted in the race to take crazy Republican votes from Miro. But she’s not a joke. What she says loudly, emphatically and passionately is what everyone else is thinking. And she has promised to stay involved in city matters even when she loses the race. Lucky us.

Alexander Luis Haq exists. He was at that Chamber forum. Ladra saw him. I swear.

Ladra thinks there will be a runoff in the Group 3 race also, but PJ Mitchell, who jumped into the race at the last minute, won’t be in it. Which is why he’s also not in the picture. He’s run and lost before. He’s got no money except a loan to himself of $5,000, which is money down the drain. Sorry not sorry if he feels slighted.

Javier Baños has been campaigning the longest. He ran for commission in South Miami 10 years ago but lost and moved to the Gables in 2011. He campaigns heavily on pension reform, which has been his issue always. He served on the Gables and South Miami pension boards.

He’s also been a treasurer and “alternate contact” on several political action committees, including Miami First, which is the one used by Miami Commissioner Joe Carollo, who appointed Baños to the Bayfront Park Trust. He has a $40,000 loan to himself right after Marc Sarnoff gave it to Carollo’s PAC — and then it disappeared. Sarnoff, a Carollo cohort, also funded the PAC that attacked his opponent in this race.

Baños lied to Ladra’s face when he told her he knew nothing about the attack mailer or the PAC, even though he’s an “alternate contact” and it’s listed address is his office. That’s a bad idea. Vote anyone but Baños.

Alex Bucelo is young and good looking, but don’t hold that against him. Sure, it was papi’s idea to run for office. But Bucelo has really put in the time, knocking on more than 2,000 doors, he says. Of course, there’s not a single picture on social media to show for it, which is strange. Still, he has raised more than twice as much as Baños in less than half the time.

Bucelo is the baby of the bunch. But that also means he doesn’t have any baggage or owe any favors. He’s fresh. And his eyebrow game is on fleek.

Best of all, he has an “I’m good with whoever voters choose” ‘tude that instills organic trust. He doesn’t need this as badly as the others seem to.

Kirk Menendez is Mr. Coral Gables. Nobody hits the home-grown button as hard as he does. He practically grew up at the Youth Center, where he’s been a coach to thousands of kids since. In fact, he has coached some of his opponents’ family members.

Any other year, he’d win this easily. But Menendez has come under fire recently for promoting the zoning changes to the Crafts Section, where he owns several properties. And, of course, there’s some concern that his financial interests could collide with his role as a commissioner if elected.

Those who were against the upzoning call him a “high riser” because of the new heights allowed and because he became a millionaire overnight.

Wonder where he’s going to live now? Edgewater Drive?

Menendez also worked at the City of Miami — more Miami connections — as an assistant city attorney and project manager in the city manager’s office and then as chief of staff to Commissioner Ken Russell before he started selling real estate.

Yes, it’s a lot to take in. But there is that other candidates forum on Thursday for voters to see and hear the candidates for themselves.

No matter who you vote for, make sure to vote. Every vote counts.

Remember, Raul Valdes-Fauli won the mayoral race two years ago by 123 votes. You can’t go back in time, but you can vote this year.

Coral Gables politics, Pat Keon, Vince Lago

Here’s who’s on the absentee ballots mailed to Coral Gables voters this week added by Ladra on March 15, 2021
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