Please forgive me if you were at the Coral Gables Chamber’s candidate forum on Thursday and you heard Ladra snoring in the back row. Thank you, Chamber president Mark Trowbridge for the invite, but it was not worth risking COVID to be there live. I should have watched it on Zoom.
Even Mayra Joli, the nodding lady from the Trump town hall, was kind of toned down. ¿Que le pasó?
It’s not just that it was too civilized, with giddy candidates hugging each other and chatting up their opponents’ families and friends after the breaks. It looked more like a holiday social than a debate. Everybody got along. Some candidates even praised each other.
It was more about the spoon-fed softball questions and the answers, which were practically the same in different words. I mean, who’s not going to be in favor of more police training and addressing sea level rise? And nobody wants to abdicate home rule to Tallahassee. Duh.
With absentee ballots going out next week, this was a chance for someone to stand out. And they all blew it.
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The mayoral forum was the most, um, animated of the three panels. While Vice Mayor Vince Lago and Commissioner Pat Keon took indirectas at each other, Jackson “Rip” Holmes went on the full offensive, calling Lago a liar from the get go.
“He was my hero,” Holmes said, either confused about Lago’s position on Miracle Mile as the sole no vote on the upzoning or in cahoots with Keon.
For the most part, Lago ignored him. He can. His track record shows that he is not a development darling. But the stark difference between them came through in the question about Miracle Mile’s change in zoning.
“A very good opportunity for the Mile,” Keon called it.
“A travesty,” Lago said. “This upzoning will significantly alter the beauty of Miracle Mile.”
Lago went armed with a list of legislation he has written since elected. He read off the top 10. This is a direct dig at Keon, who hasn’t passed a thing, really, besides a couple of no-brainer urging ordinances. He’s made it a centerpiece of his campaign: He’s done a lot. She’s done practically nada.
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“The quality of the legislation is more important than the quantity,” she said, but that’s something a slacker says. And the quality of the three things she pushed in eight years is questionable anyway. An ordinance condemning anti-Semitism — which was really pushy resident Jack Thompson‘s idea — was a cut and paste job from other municipalities. Ditto with the anti-fertilizer legislation, for which Keon — an avid golfer — carved out the golf courses, which are the largest users of fertilizers and have waterways adjacent. Ladra can’t even remember the third. Quality indeed.
Commission candidates were asked what the first piece of legislation would be and that’s where we got the most interesting answers.
Tania Cruz-Gimenez, who has apparently researched the e-permitting issue, would focus on that. Rhonda Anderson wants to revisit the Mediterranean ordinance. Kirk Menendez would expand the public notice radius for zoning and other public hearings. Javier Baños wants to work on pension reform. Claudia Miro wants some of the commission meetings in the afternoons or evenings when more working people can attend. Jose Valdes-Fauli says the city needs to add sidewalks in many neighborhoods.
Blah. Blah. Blah.
The opening and closing statements were the worst of all, with campaign messaging that sounded straight out of a commercial. All these candidates need new material.
Some random observations:
- Alexander Luis Haq actually exists.
- It seems like every candidate who doesn’t make the runoff in the Group 2 race will vote for Valdes-Fauli. They all think he’s just great.
- Miro chose the right outfit — a bright pink dress in a sea of dark suits.
- Cruz-Gimenez has embraced the dynasty thing, saying she has the “relationships that can be very beneficial.” Naturally, talking about her father-in-law, Congressman Carlos Gimenez, while la suegra was in the audience watching, and her tia, School Board Member MariTere Rojas.
- Alex Bucelo doesn’t know if his canvassers have knocked on 2,000 doors or 3,000 doors — which is a pretty big difference. He also keeps saying he’s lived in Coral Gables all his life, not realizing that’s not very long.
- If you close your eyes, Jose Valdes-Fauli sounds a lot like his brother, the two-time mayor Raul Valdes-Fauli.
- If you close your eyes, Rhonda Anderson sounds like the adults in all the Charlie Brown movies. Wuah, wuah, wuah.
For voters who didn’t catch it on zoom, the Coral Gables candidates forum will be aired on CGTV (Comcast 77 and AT&T 99) all next week — at 5 p.m. Monday, 9 a.m. Wednesday, 5 p.m. Thursday, noon Saturday and 5 p.m. Sunday.
Trowbridge also said it would be available “on demand” soon on YouTube — you know, in case you need a sleep aid.
Coral Gables candidates forum has no surprises, no sass — no standouts added by Ladra on
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