Let’s call it the kiss and tell ordinance.
Miami Beach Commissioner John Aleman wants to introduce 
legislation that would require all the elected officials in the city to disclose — on a printed form — the names of anyone they have sexual relations with that could benefit from their vote.
It’s on the agenda for Wednesday’s meeting. Really.
Disclosure requirements on the Beach already force electeds to name any family or business relationships that could benefit from commission action and public officers must recuse themselves before the discussion on any such beneficial item begins. Aleman’s ordinance would amend the city code to add “personal relationship” to that and further defines that as “a close personal relationship such as a long-term friendship, or a dating, sexual, or romantic relationship, that would cause a reasonable person to conclude that the public officer is likely to act or fail to act as a result of the relationship, or which appears to a reasonable person as inappropriate in the context of the proper discharge of the public official’s duties in the public interest and gives an appearance of impropriety.”
Because this is 2016, after all, and sexual doesn’t necessarily mean romantic. Or dating.
So does that mean hook-ups count? Do crushes? Because Ladra has heard that those longtime, unrequited longings can be just as influential on one’s decision-making process as a bonafide boyfriend.
The common thought among Beach activists and political observers is that this is
retaliation against Commissioner Kristen Rosen Gonzalez, political payback for squashing a $1 million gift to the Shore Club redevelopers at the last meeting in September.
Rosen Gonzalez, a single mom, had the wherewithal and integrity to ask why the city should waive $1 million in mitigation fees if the developers of the Fusano Residences and Shore Club — luxury condos, starting at $2 million, and hotel units (with a 500-seat restaurant and probably at least one nightclub) — don’t want to build the required amount of parking spaces on the property for the density they’ve proposed. The area, she says, is already a nightmare for off-street parking and cannot absorb more. We can all attest to that. The “area” being South Beach.
Aleman said she wanted to accommodate the developer. 
But the item was deferred and seeing how its been categorized as a loophole gift to the developer and could be under investigation (more on that later), it is probably dead in the water by now. As it should be.
This is the fallout.
After all, Rosen Gonzalez got wise to the loophole thanks to her “close personal relationship” with Kent Harrison Robbins, a longtime preservation activist who also happens to be a land use attorney (read: lobbyist). Yes, they dated. They are not dating now, but they are still friends. After all, some of us are adults here. And while they were friends with benefits, he did not benefit with a
ny item before the commission. But it really does seem that both she and he are the targets of this legislation.
“It has bothered them because he is telling me what they are doing,” Rosen Gonzalez said. “He was just educating me. I didn’t even understand how to read these land use items. It was like Chinese.”
Robbins helped her because he supported her, as most preservationists did. He never asked for a favor. If you ask Ladra, the one who benefited was Rosen Gonzalez — and, by extension, her constituents. Her education saved taxpayers $1 million that, while earmarked for parking and such like Commissioner Michael Grieco said, could offset general dollars spent in that arena or be used to — here’s a concept — actually mitigate the damage of the new development. And she may have also stopped a possible precedent.
Read related story: Kristen Rosen Gonzalez wins in Miami Beach race
But it’s not like Aleman and Rosen were ever BFFs. Aleman was recruited and backed by millionaire Mayor Philip Levine and ran on his slate next to Betsy Perez, who Rosen beat last year to get on the dais. Rosen is a lone independent in a sea of puppets — the only real elected on the Beach who has never been in Levine’s pocket (because Commissioner Grieco just crawls out 0ut now and then). It’s just that this Robbins educated Rosen on the land use loophole and Aleman wants them to pay for it. Who knows how many other people are involved and may be hurt? Aleman doesn’t care. Because Robbins is making Rosen Gonzalez too damn smart! The point is to intimidate her and bully her. Again. And she won’t be bullied.
By the way, how do you define close friendship? That’s sort of subjective, no? “Do you know how many people I became close friends with during the campaign? And just because I’m dating or sleeping with someone doesn’t influence my vote,” Rosen Gonzalez said.
Amen to that.
“I’m disappointed. This is immature, pathetic — a personal vendetta,” the freshman commissioner said. “This is not leadership.”
The kiss and tell ordinance has been the talk of Facebook this weekend. Rosen Gonzalez urged her friends and supporters — most of whom are aghast — to write to Commissioner Aleman (johnaleman@miamibeachfl.gov) and ask her to withdraw the ordinance. “Tell her there are more important items to worry about. Ask her why she did not vote for my ethics ordinance on prohibiting campaign consultants from lobbying, but is worried about commissioners’ private lives.”
But Ladra would ask you please not to. I mean, can you imagine better blog fodder?! Rosen 
Gonzalez is not the only person on the dais who checks the single box. In fact, both Levine and Commissioner Ricky Arriola are famously (and curiously?) single. Don’t you want to know who they’re dating? Or just hooking up with?
This ordinance will let us, the public, know who are the playboys with a different flavor of the month all the time and who is completely and utterly alone. It may not rank up there in importance with flooding and sea level rise and overdevelopment or preservation on North Beach or even Zika — but it still makes for good readin’.
Maybe we can have the electeds wear something that lets us know when they’re in a compromising relationship. Oh, I know! A scarlet letter? Or should we just reserve those for the electeds having an affair? Because those will have to be disclosed, too.
Ooooohhh… nevermind. This ridiculous legislation will never see the light of day.
Miami Beach commissioner wants electeds to kiss and tell added by Ladra on
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