It was bound to happen when you realize that at any given time during early voting there has been at least 
twice as many and as much as dozens as many poll workers as voters. Somebody was going to get on somebody’s nerve.
I mean, somebody other than former Congressman David “Nine Lives” Rivera, who got on everybody’s nerve, it seems, just by being there.
And after a generally boring week of very slow voting where the biggest drama was when one candidate stole another’s camp position from the day before, or the time a congressional candidate’s mom went off on a voter, something happened Thursday: There was some kind confrontation between a Miami-Dade firefighter working a voting site for county commission candidate Daniella Levine Cava and the frail, old volunteer for incumbent Commissioner Lynda Bell.
While there was definitely some kind of standoff, Bell’s “smoking gun” (my words, not her words) “MUST SEE!” (her words, not my words) video on her Facebook page is anything but. Bell, who has been a little exaggerated lately in her desperate attempt to cling to power, may be making more noise out of it because it is politically convenient. We’ll have more on that later.
But at least it jazzed up the early voting experience for somebody. Because, man, has it been a snoozefest.
There was a sea of signs last weekend as candidates and their poll workers tried to get the attention of early voters who trickled in to go
vernment centers and libraries to cast their ballots in the past 11 days.
But it wasn’t, like, a real arduous job. Unless you count the boredom in the hours that passed between the votes.
There have been a total of 19,277 early voters who have cast ballots since Aug. 11. Thursday saw the big jump from 1,986 to 2,240. Miami Beach voters seem the most disinterested, with the fewest number of early votes cast at City Hall and the North Shore Library. The highest number of votes have been cast at North Miami and North Dade libraries, where the cities of North Miami and Miami Gardens have municipal elections that drove out more voters.
The slow trickle means a couple of the early voting sites — and Ladra is willing to bet most of them — have looked more like the parking lot at a football game or Lollapalooza.
At West Dade Regional Library Saturday, there was even music. Former State Rep. and Miami-Dade School 
Board Member Renier Diaz de la Portilla, who is running for judge, took practically a whole band of musically-inclined workers/volunteers who jammed out some great tropical tunes — complete with bongos, maracas and cowbell — throughout the late morning. At some point, Cutler Bay Mayor Ed “Big Mac Daddy” MacDougall, the gringo with some rhythm, jumped in and started banging on that cowbell to the beat. “I’m a percussion man,” he said.
All Baby DLP’s opponent, Assistant City of Miami Attorney Veronica “Little Miss Ultra” Diaz brought with her was her campaign monkey, gypsy conartist Vanessa Brito, who then had the despotism to fire one of her poll workers when he unsuspectingly came up to greet me and ask how I was doing. See? Frank was married to one of my sister’s sister-in-laws and had no idea that I had reported on all of Miss Ultra’s, uh, extracurricular activities that had come under investigation.
Commissioner Javier Souto made his rounds at what has become his second district office — Souto has 
regular monthly meetings and town halls at the library — and came almost face to face with challenger, Marina Meadows, basically Souto in a skirt except she has to practically beg for votes, but very timidly, like she had her tail between her legs. Like she knows this is Souto Country and there were these psychological signs posted everywhere: “Keep out!”
Meadows can’t be taken seriously, though, given her history on YouTube and the fact that she, like the commissioner-for-life Souto, can’t say three coherent sentences in a row.
But whether we like it or not, El Senador Souto is the king of Westchester. While he does need to get off the throne already, and reconsider retiring with dignity, Ladra isn’t betting that this is the year or the challenger that does that. I’m not really even bothering to watch that race.
Incumbent Miami-Dade Commissioner Lynda Bell was spotted at the South Dade Regional Library voting site, talking with former State Rep. now attorney to the pols JC Planas. Wonder what kind of complaint they were cooking up against Daniella Levine Cava, her opponent in what has become a $1 million race. Oh, wait, I bet they make a big deal out of Thursday’s standoff.
In the equally heated congressional primary in District 26, former Congressman David Rivera made appearances at the West Dade library, which must have driven Miami-Dade School Board Member Carlos Curbelo‘s mom — who has worked that poll every day — pretty nuts. Especially when she saw the live truck sent by Channel 10 Sunday, treating Rivera like the incumbent while her son — who was supposed to get this seat handed to him at a coronation ceremony — was stuck in a suit at the studio.
But as of Thursday, nobody had called the cops on anybody else.
Meanwhile, workers for constitutional attorney Lorenzo Palomares Starbuck seemed to be taking it pretty easy and not be as stressed out as some other poll workers who were really jumping at every vote. Maybe they know he’s just getting his name out there for a county or state race in 2016.
Candidates, feel free to use this photo as a visual tool in campaign workers training. You can title it “How Not To Work A Precinct.”
There are three more days of early voting and then Monday there is a break so that the elections department can prepare for Tuesday’s election day activity.
But judging by the participation so far of both absentee and early voters, they don’t need that much time to prepare.
Slow, drama free early voting turns into Lollapallooza party added by Ladra on
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