State House 112 race wakes up from its coma

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Is it really any surprise to anyone that the race for House seat 112 has gone this far on the ugly scale? I mean, we are looking at a contest where one brother got his wife to put her name in the hat against another brother and an ex-wife may have financed a nasty mailer against her former Senator husband.

Does anyone really think that’s going to have much of an effect on the result?

In fact, thank goodness for the nastiness in the contest between former State Sen. Alex Diaz de la Portilla and former State Rep. Gus Barreiro, otherwise this would be a sleeper of a race.

And nothing with a DLP in it should be a sleeper.

I called it a bore earlier because Ladra is quite certain that Diaz de la Portilla, the Dean of South Florida politics, is going to win this one easily despite all the attack ads calling him an abusive husband and the might — and, maybe, money — of practically the entire Miami-Dade legislation because of “the war” (more on that later). He’d win it in his sleep — if he ever slept, that is.

But now — and, c’mon, you really didn’t see this coming? — we’re going to start to have fun. Because both the candidates are tearing each other apart and making this a contest of who is the least baddest man.

On the one side, you have Barreiro, being outed in mailers and pro-DLP GOP blogs as a deadbeat dad who abandoned his 8-year-old kid in some snowy state to come to paradise and make a name for himself. That name, by the way, was Owens. Gus Owens Barreiro, because he is only half brother to Miami-Dade Commissioner Bruno Barreiro — and there’s a whole ‘nother war there because the commissioner (who is up for a tough re-election) apparently got his wife to file paperwork for the same seat early on, though she never followed up. What a shame, eh? That would make it even more fun. The point is Gus dropped the Owens when it became politically expedient to do so — like he dropped his wife and kid.

Nobody really cared too much that Reaganista blogger Christian Camara wrote a piece calling Barreiro a chivato — or “snitch” in Spanish — for having first filed a complaint against his one-time buddy, former State Rep. Ralph Arza for allegedly using racial slurs against then Miami-Dade Schools Superintendent Rudy Crew (whose name of course is going to be all over these races full of ghosts from Christmases past) and then played two drunken, obscene crank calls that Arza had left his former colleague on his cellphone to the eagerly-awaiting press corps — and ended Arza’s political career, even though just maybe a little early. He was going down anyway.

But the big, allegedly too-egregious hit came from Tea Party Miami blogger Eric Von Tausch, who ran a post that compared Barreiro to Aurora, Colorado, mass murderer James Holmes because both men had profiles on the singles swingers network website adultfriendfinder.com. Miami New Times blogger Kyle Munzenrieder says it was over the top, but who is he kidding? Because it’s a beautiful detail. Maybe it’s not a headline, exactly, but it’s a delicious detail for a political blogger and if you don’t admit it, you’re lying. Because it gets better. Barreiro reportedly used the screen name “CubanCigar107” — and we are quite sure the number he referred to is for his former house district. Maybe now he wants to be “CubanCigar112.”

Oh, please. You don’t think Dean DLP already thought of that? I gave him nothin‘! But do look for more hits to hammer Barreiro on how the PBA actually endorsed a suspected pornography aficionado, since Barreiro — who was termed out of the House in 2006 — was fired in 2009 after a random audit of his state-issued laptop found 382 pornographic images and that the user, “CubanCigar107” no doubt, viewed 42 web pages containing “sexually explicit, sexually provocative” content. His job at the time? Chief of residential programs at the Florida Department of Juvenile Justice. That’s right, the Florida Department of Juvenile Justice. Nice place for porn, eh?

He says he was framed. Of course he was — 382 times.

DLP calls him “a desperate man who is a known deadbeat dad and a pornographer” in the Marc Caputo Miami Herald story about the nastiness of the race. “I suspect he’s simply trying to cover up his lack of moral character,” he is quoted as saying. And, no, the Dean does not talk to me about these things despite some common assumption that he does and Ladra’s constant begging. He just likes to tell me stories about the good ol’ days over and over again, relive his glory — kind of like what he’s trying to do by getting elected now.

The Herald story came after Barreiro struck back at DLP with a mailer that calls attention to the Dean’s unfortunate and messy divorce and the temporary restraining order requested against him in 2010 — and later withdrawn, which the mailer doesn’t mention. Lame, Gus, lame. You are going to have to up your game if you want to go head to head with a DLP. Because who doesn’t have a restraining order from a jilted wife or a hateful husband, especially in that district? Who doesn’t know that people say hurtful and false or exaggerated things in court during such turbulent emotional times? Tsk, tsk. I’m actually sort of disappointed. Is that the best you can do? Really? (Hint: Google him).

But while the former Mrs. DLP, Claudia Davant (dressed in red in the mailer here) feigns being horrified by the mail piece, it looks like she may have funded it — with $2,000 to the Barreiro campaign coming from her and her business partners.

Davant didn’t call me back after I left her a message Wednesday night — okay, late Wednesday night. Ladra is a night owl dog. But she texted me moments later: “Hi Elaine. I don’t normally respond to late night phone calls,” she wrote (it was only 10:38, c’mon lady),”but I stand by my statement to the Herald. I did not authorize nor do I condone using me personally for political purposes, including using my likeness,” she said, referring to the photograph of her standing with her arms crossed, head cocked, leaning against the wall — like she’s saying “look who’s coming back to haunt you” — a perfectly-chosen professional profile photo the Barreiro camp took from the internet (they took one of the Dean from Political Cortadito’s website, too. Without our consent, either.).

“I have sent a cease and desist letter to the CCE responsible,” Davant finishes.

Really? Really? Then why did the lobbyist give Barreiro a $500 contribution to Barreiro’s campaign? His report lists the donation from The Davant Company on July 2. Same day that her three partners in another business called Adam St. Advocates — Robert Beck, his wife Tanya Johnson, and political consultant David Ericks — each gave $500. That’s $2,000 from DLP’s ex-wife — just enough, probably, to fund the mailer.

That CCE — which is a PAC in sheep’s clothing, the only difference being it can’t ask you to vote for anyone but it can urge you to call DLP and “tell him he doesn’t share our idea of family values” — is based in Melbourne, of all places. Conservatives United lists three contributors for it’s $13,500 total: Vero Beach attorney Lisa McClaughlin — who also owns a company named JAM Capital Management (which I believe I’ve seen on campaign reports) — gave $10,000, Vero Beach dentist Joseph Thomas gave $1,000 and the other $2,500 comes from a landscaping company in Troy, Michigan — where there just happens to be a lot of McLaughlins. Hey, isn’t that where Barreiro allegedly left his child and ex-wife with no financial support? Or was that Wisconsin? No expenses are listed on the campaign reports filed July 13, so we’ll have to wait ’til after this Friday to see what the mailers cost Barreiro’s CCE.

The Dean has his own PACs — and the Herald story got it wrong about who’s got the edge with the cash. Caputo made a rookie mistake. Dean DLP has both the better name recognition and the better financing. Maybe he has just under $19,000 in his campaign account, compared to Barreiro’s close to $30,000. But Diaz de la Portilla is the chair of not one, but two PACs — he isn’t hiding behind someone else fronting the PAC like Barreiro is. Citizens Desiring Accountable Government got one $40,000 donation from Orion Medical Enterprises in North Miami Beach and Citizens for Accountable Reform (yeah, I know, you’d think DLP could get more creative) got another $9,500 — $2,000 from School Board Member Carlos Curbelo’s Capital Gains company and $7,500 from Innovate Florida, another PAC (yes, I hate it when PACs give to PACs that give to yet other PACs because it looks like money laundering to Ladra). The point is, with the PAC totals included, the Dean is up about $25,000 in fundraising. That’s the edge. It’s in reverse, Marc.

So, hop on that bus, Gus. You got 19 days to make a dent — and the divorce Davant thing is a dead horse, already, daddy. Really. Nobody cares. Nobody is going to believe her anymore. And don’t you dare go near the dog thing or Ladra will have to stop growling and bite you. Elvis and Priscilla are off limits.

So what else you got? The people who watch these races like it was American Idol are waiting — and they will vote you off the island if you don’t give us a good show.