Ladra has changed her mind. Mayor Carlos “Castro” Hernandez can’t be responsible for the attack on his nemesis, Fire Union Vice President Eric Johnson, that has backfired in a big way. He couldn’t be that stupid. Because he just made himself the laughing stock of Hialeah, Miami Lakes, Miami Springs and beyond.
I jumped to conclusions right after Castro called an impromptu presser to gloat, er, I mean, announce an investigation into family vacation photographs on Johnson’s Facebook page. The photos, which everyone else in the world could obviously see were sarcastic and harmless, were taken wildly – almost, it seems, intentionally – out of context for the purposes of this witch hunt, er, I mean investigation. And the complaint was in an anonymous typed or printed letter delivered to the Hialeah Poli
ce Department and, we have since learned, select members of the media (y me voy a acomplejar porque nobody sent it to me).
Ladra leapt to the perfectly logical conclusion that Hernandez was trying to diminish any impact that Johnson, a 10-year-veteran and longtime vocal critic of the administration, would have on the upcoming election, where not just the county mayor but state seats are in play. Hialeah’s political machine se mete en todo. And the more they can distract and diffuse Johnson, the better.
But now I think he would have to be crazy or stupid. Or maybe crazy stupid. Because he or one of his sinister cabinet members should have seen the ricochet coming. The story he wanted to put out, the ridiculous spin he wanted, took a bizarre, surreal turn from child neglect or condoning the consumption of far-too=-good=for-that-tequila by minors, to racism allegations for Johnson’s off-color redneck humor, in which everybody gets treated the same. Probably because that was the only way for the Channel 7 reporter, who was the first to take this angle, to make this crap into a story — a top 5 (first five stories to be on the 11 p.m. news) story if you can link it to the case where a firefighter wrote some questionably racist remarks about Treyvor Martin, which he did. And there is no comparison.
Obviously, if you look at Slick’s Facebook page today, I am not the only one who thinks so. The support has been immense and from everywhere, even new friends who didn’t know about him before this bogus investigation. People are imitating his system-o (more on that below, keep going). Friends are changing their profile picture to the one of a goat on a moped that Channel 7 featured on its newscast. While there have been one too many goat pictures posted on his wall by well-wishers who, apparently, share his wooly humor, I don’t think there has been one person who has questioned his language or his intention. Johnson’s humor is off-color and he is certainly NOT the most sensitive metrosexual on a fire truck. But he does not discriminate against anybody. In fact, he would not think twice about running into a burning building to save anybody’s life – including Hernandez’s, including former Mayor Julio Robaina. You can’t say that about everybody. He is honest to a fault – painfully or painlessly. No importa. It is what it is. And, because he dishes it out so well, he is willing to take it and won’t get mad at the metrosexual comment from earlier (wink, wink… I still love you my brother) and is way more forgiving of former foes (or former friends turned foes) than Ladra is.
As documented on his now viral Facebook page, Johnson is obviously beloved not just by the 270 other firefighter paramedics at the department, but by a bunch of cops and many fleet maintenance employees and the girls at the 911 center and street workers and parks and recreation people. He is also loved by the mostly Spanish-speaking residents he serves and helps to save. Racist? Man, you should see that gringo charm the balsera waitresses at Maruch or las viejitas in the public housing units. He is a hit. Because he is respectful and kind and not condescending, but funny and real.
And his system-o works-o. That would be the hypothetical “system” he described on Facebook – really a sarcastic joke born from good humor in answering 11 patatuns and 6 aires in a 24-hour shift – of adding Os to English words so the Spanish-only speakers can understand his questions when he is trying to save their lives. “Where-o does it hurt-o?” Okay, it doesn’t always work. But it sews goodwill and relieves the stress a little. And it’s, again, funny. Apparently from the number of people who are now writing-o their status-o or comments-o like this-o, Slick’s sarcastic system is soon to be an official cult language called 
Hialeahn-o. It’s become part of the regular jargon not just in Hialeah but in Kendall, the Redland, Miami Lakes, Coral Gables and beyond. It’s already made the radio morning shows and Ladra expects PitBull to put it in a song pretty soon. Daleeee-o.
Then, the latest show of support was this very rustic political cartoon that someone emailed me late late Friday. As you can see, it depicts a police officer – Chief Sergio “Che” Velasquez, we assume – asking the mayor which one of the “bozos” lined up is “ruffling your feathers”. The line-up has a masked guy with a sign that says “real criminal,” standing next to a close-enough liking to Sgt. Tony Luis, a rabble-rouser seen as Johnson’s counterpart at the police department, holding at PBA sign and asking the mayor to stop picking on him — “It’s Slick’s turn” — standing next to a goat with a “Baaaaa..” sign, next to a smiling redneck cowboy with good hair and a sign that says “Corona” in front of him (a reference to one of the silly, but private, family photos).
Ladra would love to know who is responsible for this artistic rendition so I can congratulate him or her for the smart political message. Glad I’m not the only one who thinks Hernandez uses the police department like his own goon squad. But as anyone might guess, the artist is remaining as anonymous as the original complainant. This one has a good reason: He or she is likely the subject of another investigation already.
One thing I am pretty sure of: It wasn’t Johnson’s handiwork. Slick’s more fond of Photoshop and he would proudly plaster it on his hyperactive Facebook wall, which now comes with a disclaimer (disclaimer: it’s still sarcastic redneck humor) which has been liked by 38 people and has received more than two dozen comments. And Slick’s would post it with a comment that would include many words in CAPITAL LETTERS.
Nah… I suspect a cop. Why? Because they got more time on their hands since they don’t really follow up on real crime anymore and all they do is investigate bogus claims made for political reasons. Also because of the inclusion of Sgt. Luis, out of the blue.
But whoever it is, cuidado, or you might find yourself in your own hypothetical line up. Mayor Castro is now after you.
Whoever you are, thank you for sharing your, em, gift with all of us, especially since you just know this is going to be investigated. Maybe, hopefully, Johnson’s hard-earned confidence (read: self-righteousness) and the blissful comfort of his cocky certainty, a byproduct of irreproachable behavior on and off the clock, has sparked courage among others who are disgruntled with the tyranny they work under.
Keep drawing, mysterious municipal cartoonist. Your political satire is right on the money. But your artistic talents need some work.
In the meantime, though, don’t quit your day job. That’ll give you away, for sure
Support for Hialeah firefighter goes viral added by Ladra on
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