Ethics seminars should be required to run

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I’m almost tempted not to go to the Miami-Dade’s Commission on Ethics and Public Trust’s campaign seminar tonight.

Not because I don’t get a kick out of all those rules candidates and politicians love to bend and break. Not because it’s a long drive to Miami Gardens City Hall and gas costs are at an all time high, But because the chances of anyone who really needs to be there actually being there are slim to none.

And I’ve been to a couple of these already. They are worth going to for anyone who is even a casual observer of local or state politics. There is a wealth of information about things you knew, you just didn’t know you knew.

Like one rule which prohibits third party contributions. Yet people still do it both illegally — like Vanessa Brito when she gave $5,000 from Myami Marketing to her recall PAC “in the name of an anonymous client” (and why isn’t that being investigated?) — and legally, like Miami-Dade Commission Chairman Joe Martinez getting a $100,000 contribution to his PAC from an educational non-profit that doesn’t have to report where it gets it from. In fact, what is the difference? Why is one legal and one not?

There’s another good rule that prohibits candidates from splurging campaign funds on items that could have an ultimate destination other than the HQ (read: somebody’s home or office). “They cannot go on a shopping spree,” said Ethics Commission Director Joe Centorino, who we hope is more effective in his new role as director of the ethics commission as he was como el jefe of the much-maligned public corruption unit at the state attorney’s office.

Besides, that’s what PACs are for anyway, right?

Candidates cannot use their campaigns to buy things like, oh, say multiple flat screen TVs. Not the ones that former State Sen. Rudy Garcia set up in the Taj Majal campaign office for his doomed-from-the-start bid for Hialeah mayor. No, Garcia — who does not return repeated phone calls to confirm this — once upon a time told Ladra those were rented and would be returned after the election. But how do we know for sure that his wife isn’t doing aerobics in front of it or that he or one of his supporters isn’t watching the Heat games on it? Could someone with the ethics commission check, please?

Really. In fact, that could be like a regular weekly task for one of the ethics commission investigators on a Monday or Thursday morning. “Look at campaign expense lists for obvious gifts and curious costs. Check.” Because while Ladra likes to analyze contributions (read: find bundles) as much as the next dog, if there is one thing the last ethics commission seminar taught me it’s that we need to be paying a little more attention to the expenses.

Ladra wonders, for example, what happened to the $650 worth of office equipment Hialeah Mayor Carlos Hernandez bought from hhgregg for his campaign office Nov. 13, two days before the runoff, Nov. 15. Or if he the $5,500 spent on food in January and February were really pay-offs for something else (read: absentee ballots). Or what will happen with the $2,400 ipad and accessories Miami-Dade Commissioner Bruno Barreiro bought with his current re-election campaign account — just weeks after he reimbursed himself $4,170 for a computer in October. Must be a real hi-tech campaign.

Maybe Hernandez and Barreiro could use an ethics refresher. Ladra asked Centorino at the last seminar who his dream class would consist of. He laughed and balked at the question. “I’m can’t say that. Let Ladra come up with my dream class.”

And so, I did. Yes, Hialeah’s mayor would be there (preferrably with a dunce cap on his head) and he would take Absentee Ballot Queen Sasha Tirador and his overpaid lackey Arnie Alonso (Ladra doesn’t care if it’s awkward in the room). He should also bring the Arza boys, both glorified bodyguard Hugo Arza (photographed here looking over former Hialeah Mayor Julio Robaina during his failed bid against the eventual Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Gimenez) and former (read: disgraced) State Rep. Ralph Arza (Rep., District 112), who faded into behind-the-scenes political maneuvering after he was forced to resign in shame when he left racial messages on the voice mail of fellow former State Rep. Gus Barreiro (Bruno’s bro-in-law, running for 112 now). I’d send invites also to Keith “PACman” Donner and David Custin, king of the political junkmail, and the brothers Miguel, Alex and Renier Diaz de la Portilla just so they can brush up on financial reporting laws and avoid any future $17,000 fines for shoddy reporting. Especially since it seems they are all going to be piling up the contributions again. Just for good measure, it would be great to see someone from each of the county mayoral campaigns there as well as all the political consultants involved in those and other races. People like Al Lorenzo, Ana Carbonell, Steve Marin. You know, just so you can’t say “I didn’t know” later.

In fact, why can’t such a seminar be required of anyone who wants to qualify for office? Kind of like driver’s have to prove they know the signs of the road in a written test before they are given a license. In fact — look how resourceful Ladra is — why don’t we create a license for candidates? They have to pass this test, prove they know their ethics, first. Charge them a nominal fee, maybe $60 or $80 for it and then have the power to revoke the license should they violate the rules.

Maybe that will get some more ethics in our campaigns.

Because the seminars by themselves don’t seem to be working.